Lost Time
by pigows
Summary: Lily and James were killed by Voldemort. Peter was killed by Sirius, who was now in jail. Remus attended the funeral alone.


**.Oneshot. Lost time.**

 **Todos os dias quando acordo/Não tenho mais/O tempo que passou**

 **(Everyday when I wake up/The time that has passed/it's not longer mine)**

Remus looked up, his eyes full of tears. He looked around; realizing everyone else was already gone. How long did he stand there? Minutes? Hours? He had no idea. Those two names shouldn't be carved in that stone. How did that happen? Wasn't it just a few days ago when James had said " _Cheer up, Moony, we've got all the time in the world!"_? Weren't them all just so young? Full of life? With a life ahead of them? His eyes traced Lily's name, memories filling his thoughts.

" _Remus!" She yelled, following him as he made his way to the door. "Remus! Wait!" He ignored her, his fingers wrapping around the doorknob. "Remus John Lupin, don't make me hex you." Her voice was sharp, yet caring. He turned around so he could face her._

" _What?" He thought his voice would sound angry our harsh. Instead, all that could be heard was pain._

" _Please, don't leave. Sirius didn't mean what he said."_

" _Well, I think he did. And maybe he's right, you know? Maybe you're all safer without me around you."_

" _Remus, don't say that! Our lives are better because you're here." Her eyes, always so caring, met his, usually lost in pain. "I_ know _that you're not the snitch. So does James. Choosing Sirius has nothing to do with the fact that we don't believe in you. I'd trust you with my life." She paused, realizing the irony._

" _It's just that Sirius is more reliable, isn't it? Because he doesn't turn into a monster once a month?"_

" _How can you say something like that? How can you even think of yourself as that?" Remus looked away, not being able to face her. "It's a horrible thing that we had to choose one of you. If we could… you'd all be Secret-Keeper. Choosing one of you was almost impossible. But we had to do it, Remus, and the only reason why we didn't pick you is because we didn't want to burden you. You_ are _our friend, darling, one of our best friends. And we_ do _trust our lives to you. Mine, James' and Harry's. Always and forever."_

 **Todos os dias/Antes de dormir**

 **Lembro e esqueço/Como foi o dia**

 **(Everyday/before I sleep**

 **I remember and forget/how this day was)**

That fight, being mad at Sirius for his innuendos… all that seemed so silly now. If he could go back, if he could tell Lily and James what he knew now… They'd be alive. They'd be home, playing with Harry, taking care of him. Harry wouldn't be an orphan. Remus himself wouldn't be all alone. Then it hit him. It _finally_ hit him. He _was_ alone. His school friends were dead or in jail. No more Prongs, Wormtail or Padfoot. No more pranks, no more jokes, no more sharing the full moon. No more Lily. No more long talks over tea, about life and its entanglements.

" _So, Remus, we need to talk about something." His heart stopped beating. This was it. They found out. They were going to ask Dumbledore to expel Remus. No, they would demand. Remus was, most certainly, screwed._

" _First of all, we want you to know that we discussed this a lot before coming to you. We wanted to make sure we weren't just assuming things out of nothing." James was clearly picking his words carefully. "Also, we hope you don't feel like we are invading your personal life or something like that." No, they had rehearsed it. They rehearsed cornering him. "Before we say anything else, we just want you to know that we support you through and through, ok? We'll always be best friends." Wait, what?_

" _Yeah, mate. We understand why you didn't want to tell us. Most people don't take it lightly. But, to us, you're still good old Remus. Except now we can make jokes and references to your furry little problem." Remus_ had _to be going insane. It was either him of his friends._

" _What are you talking about?" He asked, just to make sure._

" _We know you're a werewolf." Peter answered, with a kind and shy smile._

 _"Or did you really think we wouldn't wonder what made you disappear once a month?" Sirius joked._

 _In his nightmares, Remus always pictured this scene with his friends throwing sentences like 'We trusted you' and 'You're a monster', while holding pitchforks. He never expected to hear what came next:_

" _So, the question everyone's been willing to make is: when can we join you?"_

 **Veja o sol/Dessa manhã tão cinza/**

 **A tempestade que chega/É da cor dos teus olhos/Castanhos**

 **(Look at the sun/in this grey morning**

 **The storm that comes/has the color of your eyes/brown)**

He tried to think of what his life would be like now, but he couldn't phrase it. He couldn't remember how it felt, back in his childhood, to have no friends and be all alone. He couldn't remember what it was like to face each and every transformation by himself. He could picture those moments, he could name the emotions, but it all seemed like a distant memory now. When did he begin to believe in happiness and hope? When did he begin to believe that he'd have those friends forever? That facing the full moon was worth it because he had something to come back to?

" _Good morning, Moony!" Sirius said, entering the infirmary. "I've brought you a few gifts, to try and make up for the fact that we couldn't share an adventure yesterday, due to Astronomy exams." His voice was pompous, as if they were talking about Ministry matters. "I have chocolates – you might want to hide those from Pomfy -, some notes from yesterday classes – do you have any idea of how hard it is to take notes in Binn's class? – and my lovely company for the next half an hour." Sirius laughed, his bark-like laugh, and Remus tried to follow along, stopping, however, because of the pain. "How was it? Was it bad?"_

" _Oh, I've had worse, you know? I did break a record, tough, of how many bones I can break in one night."_

" _I'm sorry about that." Tenderness, sympathy and empathy looked back at Remus and, after every transformation, he'd look for Sirius' eyes, just so they would cheer his weariness up._

" _You know what made it better? Knowing that I'd came back to school the next day and see you guys." They shared a smile._

" _Moony, when I grow up, I'm gonna work my ass off in order to find a cure or at least something to ease the transformation."_

Now, he never would. Sirius was in jail, to rot and die. He was held responsible for Lily's and James' death, for killing Peter and thirteen muggles. Remus couldn't believe it. He remembered going to Dumbledore and begging him to say it was all a lie. That Sirius wasn't the snitch. That he wasn't the one responsible for so many deaths. Not his friend, his best friend. The tears burned his face, his whole body shaking, as recalled the answer. _"To my knowledge, Remus, it_ was _Sirius Black."_

 **Então me abraça forte**

 **E diz mais uma vez/Que já estamos/Distantes de tudo**

 **Não tenho medo do escuro/Mas deixe as luzes/Acesas agora**

 **(So hold me tigh**

 **And tell me once again/we're already/far away from everything**

 **I'm not afraid of the dark/But leave the lights/on now)**

He had to repeat to himself over and over again that Sirius was responsible. That it was his fault James, Lily and Peter were dead. That it was his fault that Remus was now all alone. James' words echoed once again in his head. " _Cheer up, Moony, we've got all the time in the world!"_. Every adventure that was to come, every Friday night dinner, every birthday, every special moment was now nothing but lost time. A bunch of moments that they would never have the chance to live together.

" _Why are you so quiet, Moony?" Sirius asked._

" _What? Oh, I was j_ _ust thinking about life. It seems quite fragile in moments like this. Quite short."_

" _Cheer up, Moony, we've got all the time in the world!" James uttered vehemently._

" _We definitely do, Remus." Lily agreed, taking Harry from his arms. Now, Remus wished he had taken a photograph from that moment, so he could look at it when difficult times came. The six of them, in the living room, Sirius with that constant smirk of his, Peter trying to fix one of Lily's trinkets, Remus holding a cup of tea, James with his arms around his wife's shoulder, Lily holding her son. All of five of them cuddled in that sofa, smiling, as if they did have all the time in world. "It's such a nice place to be with friends." Lily said, with a smile. "Me and my boys, my marauder boys."_

Remus held tight to that memory, knowing that, in the future, those fresh scars in his heart would hurt more than all the physical ones he had; more than the wolf ever would. He held tight to it as if it was his friends' embrace. He held tight to it, knowing that it would ease the pain.

His hand searched for his wand. He made a flower bouquet appear, charming it so it'd be everlasting, and placed it on their grave.

"I'll miss you guys. Always and forever. I'll watch over Harry as much as I can and I'll make sure he has all the time in the world."

 **O que foi Escondido/É o que se escondeu**

 **E o que foi prometido/Ninguém prometeu/Nem foi tempo perdido**

 **Somos tão jovens/Tão Jovens/Tão Jovens!**

 **(What is hidden/is what has been hidden**

 **And what is promised/no one promised/nor was it lost time**

 **We're just so young/so young/so young!)**

A/N: I hope you guys liked it! I almost cried writing his last memory. Poor Remus!

A few notes:

1\. English is not my first language and I'm still looking for a beta, so I'm sorry for mistakes.

2\. The song I used is called _Tempo Perdido_ by _Legião Urbana_. They are this really amazing Brazilian rock band. Be sure to check them out. Here's a link for the song: goo. gl / vEKKgl

3\. "Me and my boys, my marauder boys" is a reference to Doctor Who. It's a line by Amy Pond. If you're also a whovian, hope you caught that one!

Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to review. I love to hear comments and suggestions! See you around!


End file.
